In keeping with the latest journalistic trend of only writing about things that pertain to Russian punk-rock ensemble Pussy Riot, we’re seeing more and more articles about musk-oxen.
Great thundering herds of musk-oxen roam wild and free in Russia, which is where Pussy Riot lives, too.
Obvious questions: Are Pussy Riot in danger of being trampled? Could Pussy Riot’s discordant “punk” musical stylings potentially spark a musk-ox stampede? How much collusion is there between Vladimir Putin and musk-oxen in their efforts to run roughshod over our basic human rights?
“Plenty,” according to one of the girls, Yekaterinanatashaveshboroski Borschtpumpernickelrasputinitski.
She claims many of her girlfriends, all of them named Olga, agree vociferously with her. The Olgas couldn’t be reached for comment.
And what don’t they do vociferously?
Yakov Smirnoff didn’t return my calls.
I tried getting a quote from Boris and Natasha from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, only to learn they’re fictional cartoon characters.
I contacted that Dostoyevsky of Notes From Underground fame to see what he thought of the whole Pussy Riot brouhaha to no avail, but did manage to get an autographed 8×10 glossy off him.
“Best wishes, Fyodor.”
In Pussy Riot news today we learned that the two gals still in custody have been sent away to different work camps, presumably to prevent them from “jamming” together or, worse, writing punk rock “songs” together.
You know it ain’t gonna be “Walking In Sunshine” or “Tammy’s in Love.”
It ain’t gonna be “You Light Up My Life.”
Probably not an update of “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.”
There’s little evidence to suggest that any blame for Pussy Riot’s present situation of incarceration and political persecution should be laid at the cloven hooves of musk-oxen. But that’s not to say they wouldn’t be racist sexist pigs and bigoted oppressors of mankind if they had cognitive intellectual capabilities.
I wouldn’t trust their zoological phylum as far as I can throw it.
Reps for the musk-ox community say that Russia’s musk-ox population is contentedly chewing its cud and molting while pausing occasionally to charge headfirst into one another just for arctic mammal kicks.
Maybe we can learn something from nature after all.