Posted by
Hunter Johnson
• 06.06.13 11:00 am


A month or so ago, I saw some inane post on my Facebook feed posted by some chick with a red-and-pink equal sign as her profile picture, praising some “progressive” Target ad that had just been released online showing The Gays tying the knot.

I never click things like that, but for some reason this time I did. The photo was more shocking than I could have ever dreamed it to be.

Now, it wasn’t shocking because of HOW gay it was (I would have LOVED to see Target run an ad depicting two leather daddies exchanging vows and sterling silver cock rings that doubled as napkin-holders), it was WHO the gay was that rattled me to the core.

Our very own host: Gavin McInnes.

Now, after I made this discovery, I did Tweet about it, but since I am a nobody with basically zero followers, it stayed on the DL. I didn’t want to out Gavin, anyway. I just figured that in time, more people would notice the increasingly buzzed-about ad and express their respect, admiration, shock, and condolences for him for doing such a brave thing—for accepting himself and saying to the world: “Fuck you! I’m Gavin McInnes, and I am marrying a man! AND we’re registered at Target!”

Days passed and no one made a peep. Flustered and confused, I Googled “gavin mcinnes gay” and “gavin mcinnes gay target ad” and wound up with no useful results. I tuned into Red Eye to see if they brought it up there. Nope. Everyone fucking turned a blind eye. It broke my heart.

I started to think about the shell of a life he must be living. Every day, he puts on the layered mask of “straight” “husband” and “father.” He prances around unnoticed among his equally bearded and bespectacled “cis-het” peers down the streets of NYC. He takes pictures of his “kids” (yeah, Gavin, like we’re going to believe that YOU fathered that adorable baby) and “wife” and posts them on Instagram, gathering hundreds of double-taps. But it’s all a lie. You tried to tell us, but we wouldn’t listen.

Gavin, I know our still-homophobic, heterocentric, penis-in-vagina-relationship-favoring society makes it necessary for you to lie about being married to a “woman” and having “kids” with her in order to lead a successful life, but Gavin, in order to love yourself—what TRULY matters—you have to accept yourself and let the world know who you are without any apologies. When you stepped onto the Target photo shoot with that squirrely man I am assuming is your lover, you just wanted to reveal yourself as the gay gay gay man you are once and for all, and no one paid attention. But Gavin, I noticed, and I’m here for you. We all are.

 

—HUNTER JOHNSON

 


Comments
  1. Lasse says:

    There’s no way that isn’t Gavin!

  2. raymes says:

    I was going to say that is the best photo I’ve seen of Gavin lately especially with the nice groomed beard.

  3. Gavin says:

    Oh, so you sat down and wrote an article about how I look exactly like a male model. FAG!

  4. Hunter says:

    I’m a GIRL!!!!!!!

  5. robbie dillon says:

    @Hunter. Sure you are. More like a “girl.” Anyways everyone knows there’s only one reason for a guy to grow a beard — it’s to hide the stretch marks.

  6. Hunter says:

    “girl”? Fuck you, Robbie. I’m 100% womyn (and you can tell I’m serious about my gender because I used a “y”).

  7. It’s kind of like how Anderson Cooper might look if he tied the knot. That is it doesn’t cause me to recoil, nor would I especially want it to my next Psychic Friends’ gathering.

  8. Emerson Biggins says:

    So where are you two spending your honeymoon? A circuit party?

  9. Shoe Booty says:

    He’s obviously the bottom too. Look at those round and firmly protruding buttocks, all ready for the taking. Yuh-mee!!!

  10. waxwingslain says:

    Its because he doesn’t have a chin.


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