Posted by
Gaute Lo
• 08.05.13 10:00 am

Newsflash, ladies: the war is over. You won. You got your freedom.

The patriarchy is no longer in a position to hold you back. You got the freedom to leave when you want to, to neglect your single-parented spawn on your ex-husband’s tab, to wave your privates in every general direction like a housewife dusting off carpets, the same salary, same freedom, same rights. I hope you are happy.

I realize there was a time when you might have needed it. When you were the polisher and the plaything, the cook and the cunt, the whore and the Madonna. The one who was supposed to be seen, not heard. The one whose opinions were limited to choosing the brand of baking powder. I get it. It was NOT what you really wanted, all right? That being said, there is a reason you are appalled by these archaic practices today.

In my experience, less than half of you have the slightest idea on how to cook or clean like a housewife. Several of you have left me on the grounds that you make better money than I do. Your premature daughters are dressing in a way that makes me wonder whether you are their mothers or their pimps. In fact, the more I learn about the modern woman, the more I understand what Jack Nicholson meant. All this is well and good, I guess. But all these things considered, how do you find the balls to still claim oppression?

Let me tell you something about life: The way you act is the way you will be treated. If you have three sprouts from different dads and you’re still quite a few years from hitting age 30, every sensible guy in the world will think twice before buying you a drink. If you act entitled at work and cry wolf whenever a colleague smiles at you, the reason you get sacked is that you are a nuisance, not that you have a giney-hole. If you cut your hair short, let your looks go and start acting up, your squeeze’s greener pastures are but a fence-jump away. If you fluff your coochies around town merely to prove that you can, you will be perceived not as a freedom fighter but as (surprise, surprise) a slut. With every act comes a consequence—and that is something feminism will never change.

Until recent years, I wholeheartedly took your stand on the connection between rape and dressing like a four-bit strumpet. I still do—pulling a gal into the bushes despite her reluctance to do so is NOT OK. However, to claim that this is a typical man thing is getting off-topic. This is as much a “typical man thing” as Lorena Bobbitian cock-chopping is a “typical woman thing.” Rape is, without exception, a psycho thing. And although most men are able to accept a “no” for what it is, not all men are civilized. Just like you don’t cross the African savannah by foot while smeared in sheep’s blood without expecting to be attacked by lions, you do not walk home alone at night wrapped in something that would make even the most flaming fairy drop his jaw. And if you do, do not go all Aileen Wuornos on men in general. Don’t lie to me, honey. You didn’t dress like that to be left alone. There is a reason the generation before you was forbidden to leave the house looking like that.

I’m aware that the most radical man-haters are a marginal clique. What worries me is that they, unlike most other extremists, far too often get taken seriously. Shrieking like banshees, tightening their mugs like a party girl’s vaginal walls around a gonorrheal love-rod in a classy, cum-stained nightclub toilet stall, they actually manage to worm their way into serious debates where they are being anointed as the spokesperson for female interests. I reckon that if you allow yourself to be branded a liberal and convince everyone that you’re proud of it, you can say pretty much whatever you want. But if Al Sharpton is not the spokesperson for black people, David Duke is not the spokesperson for white people, and Chris Crocker is not the spokesperson for gay people, how the fuck does Lindy West get to speak on behalf of womyn everywhere?

Ladies, if you should organize for a common cause again, let it be to mark your stance against these shrieking cunts once and for all. I know you are not all like that.

  1. Mccaf says:

    Feminists of the Lindy West are some of the most horrid, transparent people in the world. Fat and ugly, they blame men for all their problems and constantly “fight” against rape culture. Doesn’t she know that if she jus volunteered to ride on top of her rapist, she could suffocate him and escape?

  2. Dr. Scientist says:

    I remember a conversation I had once while waiting for a friend to finish work. I chatted up a girl who was also finishing her shift and she was in good spirits because she had recently completed her degree in women’s studies. I made a fairly innocuous joke about how she can expect the big bucks to start rolling in now, which she laughed at, but said “I think it’s more important to understand the patriarchy we live in”. I was less of an asshole then than I am now, but I couldn’t help but ask what the evidence was that we live in a patriarchy.
    “I mean, women can vote, attend college in high numbers, even having their own studies department, there are laws protecting women that men don’t have, etc…” I was actually legitimately interested in what the academic feminist case for patriarchy was.
    “Well it’s obvious, isn’t it? I mean, we DO live in a patriarchy.”
    “Yeah, I’m not saying we DON’T, I’m just wondering what they taught you to base that belief on, what the evidence is.”
    She thought for a while, and the best answer she came up with was that there is a local bar where the waitresses all have to wear skirts. Not even short skirts, just skirts and normal t-shirts as part of a uniform. Four years, tens of thousands of dollars, all to study the massive problem of the patriarchy and she can’t even tell me why she believes the patriarchy exists.
    I guess that’s just my male privilege trying to force everything to be about “facts” and “solid arguments” and ignoring her feelings. I guess I’m the patriarchy.

  3. Alec Leamas says:

    Feminism is often a substitute for personality for women who get into it. It seems to catch on right around the time when other well adjusted people are on about the business of becoming interesting young adults – it’s an excuse for being difficult, disagreeable, inordinately confrontational, loud and abrasive without the usual repercussions that would rightfully inure to such a person. I mean, if you had a guy friend who made it his business to cause discomfort to the opposite sex when what you’re most interested in is getting with girls, I don’t think he’d be invited to many social functions. But for some reason, wrapping all of those negative qualities up under the umbrella “feminist” still allows one access to some social life because, I suppose, not inviting the awful person who identifies as a feminist is horribly sexist or something. I wonder if dealing deftly with the fat feminist friend is a sort of stress test for men set up by potential female mates.

  4. Alec Leamas says:

    Also, this video of French intellectual Alain Soral discussing feminism is quite illuminating.

  5. Brazil as part of a trip with the National Soccer CoachesONPut the cost of a $129check out approximately $168 and customers will switch absent. Once you’re it valid the very good gladness on the bestdistant through trust in international institutions Champions League double

Leave A Reply