Posted by
Gavin
• 12.10.12 12:00 pm

Psy smashed a tank and said, “Fuck the Yankees” because a Yankee in a tank fucked an Asian mistress and the sex was so good, it ended up defining Korean culture forever. 

You still with me? Here’s how it went down…

In the early 20s General Douglas MacArthur was married to a boring socialite who lay on her back and thought of England every time they had sex even though she wasn’t English. He thought it was better than masturbating and spent so much time in the army, pretty much any kind of wet hole would be just fine.

About five years into his shitty marriage, when stationed in Manila, he met a Filipina entertainer named Dimples who was unlike any other Asian he had ever met because she was also Scottish. That meant A) she had an ass and tits B) she could drink and C) she was a filthy slut. Though she wasn’t exactly breathtaking, Dimples and Doug had sex that was so intense; he once almost threw up from an orgasm. It wasn’t gross. It was that he got dizzy. Dimples introduced Doug to 69s, oral sex, and anal. He’s an ambitious alpha male who killed at everything he did so when he discovered sex was yet another field he could “tear a new ass,” it changed his life. When Dimples first swallowed his cum she looked up at his face and said, “Thank you.” Within six seconds of this he said aloud, “Fuck the World” and got a divorce.

MacArthur’s love of Dimples knew no bounds and he was totally shameless about it. In 1929, much to the administration’s chagrin he flew Dimples to a White House dinner and said to a table of gaping aristocrats, “What?”

Roosevelt fired Douglas for this to which his response was, “No” and MacArthur brought Dimples back to the Far East where he committed to stay near her pussy no matter what it took. Unfortunately for Doug, the Japs had attacked Pearl Harbor and he was in the center of an all out war. At this juncture, it would be prudent to leave Dimples, abandon all of Asia and return to America to be with his ex-wife and uptight friends.

But – that pussy. It feels like it’s rotating.

So, General MacArthur dug in his heels and fought. He got in his tank and fought and fought and fought until every Jap, Nazi, and communist was dead. By the time he got out of his tank, WWII had been won and South Korea had been liberated.

When the South Koreans saw this they thought, “Why would this American in a tank stay here and keep fighting for us for so long?” They assumed it was because he was an awesome guy. They assumed it was because white people are just that wonderful. To this day, they have no idea that’s it’s the miscegenated pussy that’s that wonderful.

After their liberation, South Korea became America groupies. They abandoned Buddhism and became predominantly Christian. They are pretty much the only culture in the world that worships a God of another race (blacks cheat). They picked up pop music and started mimicking our culture. They saw pictures of the 60s where college kids were protesting everything that moves and said, “That’s our shit too.”

Today Koreans are on the streets making signs and yelling about stuff no matter what’s going on. If you think the Free Mumia kids are annoying, you need to spend a week in Seoul. They are out there every fucking day. It’s fashion to them – American fashion.

So, when a tank accidentally crushing two kids was in the news, fashionable pop stars did what was fashionable and one of them smashed a tank in protest. When a Korean missionary was killed loosely due to an American war, fashionable pop stars did what was fashionable and one of them wrote a song that said, “Kill the Yankees.” Psy wasn’t trying to be unAmerican. He was trying to be American. These aren’t Taliban pop stars .They’re more like a Bruce Springsteen cover band doing the anti-American anthem “Born in the USA.”

 

So, the crazy thing about this picture of Psy in gold face paint is it’s a seemingly anti-American anti-tank message that is actually someone idolizing American culture BECAUSE of a guy in a tank. The second zany layer is that it can be traced back to one inordinately tight vagina.

I tried to make all this clear on Fox News last week but you’re not allowed to swear. I did manage to sneak in the part about her pussy rotating.

Mediaite picked up on the story but they were more interested in gay marriage than Dimples’ pussy…

 

 

Entire Mediaite feature here.

 

Entire Red Eye episode they’re talking about here…

 

Psy’s tank performance

 

Oh yeah, one last thing. My Indian brother-in-law looks so much like Psy, it bums him out.

-GAVIN McINNES


Comments
  1. raymi says:

    Too bad for psy hating America is passé and there will always be more new reasons for it. Probs about a jillion reasons to hate Korea too. Even.

  2. Jay says:

    Yeah, it could be that.

    Or maybe it could be because America continues to stick their big military oar in across the globe where it isn’t needed, and he is just expressing what millions of other pissed off natives might feel.

  3. billy says:

    Whatever it takes to stop Americans aping that stupid dance I suppose.

  4. lee says:

    this is so condescending it HAS to be a joke

  5. Red Sox Fan says:

    Psy said, “Fuck the Yankees”????????

    Yeah, gee, never heard THAT before.

  6. een says:

    Cumming so hard you feel ill?

    Been there but only once or twice.

    At least it was with my wife and, yeah, it WAS that intense I felt nauseated.

    een

  7. hmm says:

    how dare he take issue with the benevolent american military

  8. RED says:

    I’ve always wondered why that country is 60% Christian. Now I know.

  9. Dogboy says:

    First, this was the Bush days and the Iraq war. Everyone was saying something similar. Second, are you honestly claiming that rappers’ homophobic lyrics are not forgiven or at least overlooked?

  10. Ecgtheow says:

    It’s a good thing our current POTUS hasn’t bypassed Congressional approval to remove a dictator, didn’t have a hand in removing the other, and completely eliminated all the militaristic tactics he criticized throughout GWB’s time in office and stuff.

  11. TomSawyer says:

    I thought what made the Gangnam Style video so captivating is its quintessentially American, unabashed balls out spirit. He threw everything at it — hot girls, catchy hook, funny dance moves, expert dance moves, amusement parks, explosions, horses, cars, boats, busses, subways, saunas, hot tubs, night clubs… It ends with him meeting the hottest girl of them all!

    BTW, I think those Texans were sporting some kind of decorative leather bull whip on their wall. That wasn’t their electrical wiring.

  12. zig says:

    Hmm, I bet that was an organic form of Viagra ol Dug Out Doug smoked in that corn cob pipe!

  13. Kennedy says:

    Who the fuck is Psy?

  14. Mealium says:

    theres a long history of pretste in korea. from the mid-1890s up to the present day. psy is a douche and he should be boycotted.

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