Putting up with bums’ shit might be one of the crappiest things about living in the city. Constantly getting hassled for change on your way to work, or begged for a cigarette while having a smoke outside a bar can be a real pain in the ass. If you have the right attitude, though, they’re not all that bad.
People tend to think ignoring bums is the best way to deal with them but it’s pretty difficult to ignore someone who pisses in your mailbox every morning, or screams at you for letting the demons in their head. What you have to remember is they couldn’t give a shit about themselves or anyone else. And as sad and pathetic as that may be, the sooner you realize it and recognize they’re actually there for your amusement, the quicker you can enjoy their quirky traits and zany eccentricities.
There are all sorts of different types of bums you’ll run into when living in the city. Most of them are alcoholics or drug addicts, some of them are mentally ill cuckoo birds, and others are just plain ol’ fucking lazy. All of these talking bags of garbage are annoying as shit, but they’re each entertaining in their own way. That is, except for the seemingly mentally sane, sober, and lazy black bums, of course.
At first glance, these perfectly sane and able-bodied creatures would seem to be the most tolerable of all the useless city humans. They hardly ever flip out, barely cause a scene, and all appear to be perfectly potty trained. They don’t even seem to be that bad off. It looks like they were on their way to the grocery store one day, spilled some coffee on their sweatpants, and said “Fuck it. I’m just gonna hang out here and see how much change I can get.” That’s what makes them so shitty, they have almost no entertainment value. And that’s all bums are good for, entertainment.
While the booze filled, drug addicted bums are usually responsible for leaving shit presents on your front stoop, they’re great for physical comedy. Seeing a guy fall over his mobile-home of garbage, as if he’s stuck in cement, will make you laugh till you piss your pants like he probably just did. And watching two of them get into a slow motion “fist fight” will brighten your day like nothing else. It’s always satisfying to vicariously let your pent up aggression towards pushy asian women out by seeing a mentally unstable psychopath unleash on one of them collecting cans too. Even sitting back and watching a morbidly obese cyborg scream at everyone to help them with everything is amusing. But it’s the perfectly sane and able-bodied black bums who have next to no comedic or entertainment value. And it’s for this reason that they’re the shittiest type of bum.
The only time they are good for a hoot is when they get into a WorldStarHipHop worthy altercation. And that hardly ever happens because they don’t care enough to get into one. They don’t even care enough to panhandle. They hardly stick out their hand while making no eye contact and mumbling, “spare change.” Sometimes, they won’t even stop the conversation they’re having to ask for a handout. That’s what would make them so frustrating if they weren’t so easy to ignore.
Bums are definitely a fucking hassle to deal with. But it’s their awful attributes that actually make them a worthwhile commodity to city life. Once you take all those things away, they’re just shitty assholes. And those are a pain in the ass.