She literally can’t even… She also can’t spell. Look, lady, I had you on the show because I wanted to hear your version of events. I suspected you had no idea what you were talking about but gave you the benefit of the doubt.
You weren’t arguing with Colbert. You were arguing with me, someone who is genuinely curious. I’m not a conservative or a Republican out to smear you. I’m a Factarian who has looked it up.
Anyway, she just put this up about our whole ordeal.
I need to address the recent interview and verbal hostility from Gavin McInnes. And how I wound up on his Free Speech podcast.
He approached me in a cafe after I was stickering for my #whitework project. He presented himself as an interested supporter, and asked me to come on his podcast to talk about the work. Down playing his podcast as something much more low key and casual than it was.
The information I had gotten was “Gavin with Free Speech podcast”. Coming from the background I do, it did not immediately get flagged in my head as possible conservative platform. For personal reasons I didn’t have much time to research him or his podcast until the night before/morning of the interview. And I didn’t go beyond playing a few minutes of several different podcasts.
I am someone who has fought hard to let myself be vulnerable, to be trusting, and to take risks in order to create and live the life I want. I try hard, despite having a critical view of the world around me, to believe in the decency of people. To lead with my heart and with trust. However in the case of Gavin that meant I was susceptible to being mislead.
My ideals of human decency would have meant that him, a man in power who hosts celebrity guests, should make sure I (a random emerging artist he encountered) knew what kind of show I was getting on. If he was incapable of doing it himself, he should have had his producer ensure this simple fact. But neither happened.
As a result I felt immediately ambushed. I knew it could be messy, I’m talking about messy issues. However I did not expect a verbal assault and was not prepared with talking points to with stand that.
I read someone observed my visible shock during the interview. I was in shock during the entire interview. I remember within moments of the show starting realizing this was going to have nothing to do with my own work and anything I had prepared to discuss would be irrelevant and not listened to.
As the hour ticked by i found my self watching the encounter from afar, incredulous at the horrible things he was saying. Yet I also had a sense that none of it was genuine. From the minute we started I was no longer talking to a real person I was talking to his persona, his act.
There may be no way to determine truth from fiction in his beliefs. But much of my inability to answer him was being unable to take him seriously. He was running a script, he was saying things and poking certain issues to see which would get me angry.
I do strongly believe in having imperfect conversations and will stand by that. However, that should be on as equal of playing field as possible. Not a highly refined media persona picking up an emerging artist with no real media experience off the street with the express purpose of verbally badgering her on air.
I say this to any of his and my audience who is confused by what happened, why I wound up there, why I said what I said or didn’t say more. And to those who saw that his treatment of me was unacceptable. I am grateful for the folks who have sent me positive and encouraging emails. I try to constantly renew my faith in humanity – beyond how we agree/disagree. But this encounter left me shook. Hearing from folks with different view points than mine but who felt for me in the interview helps.
It helps remind me that there are folks who can see past the surface stuff and connect on a human level. In my life I have worked to do that as much as I can. And that is what brought me to feminism, to fighting against racism/white supremacy.
What I care about in my discussions with white people and in my work about whiteness and racism is a reminder of humanity. To be able to genuinely look into someones eyes who has had a completely different life experience than you, see their pains and joys, see their humanity, and then hopefully see how our humanities are tied together. And see how our journey to freedom is linked.
Along this path of mine it has meant that I have lost people who wanted or needed to stay blind to this. But it has also meant that I have encountered some incredible people with deep inner strength and a wealth of life and experience to share.
My hope for this interview was to share a piece of my own story and my own journey towards seeing the liberation of people of color as my own liberation, as the liberation of everyone.
It saddens me that Gavin could mislead, adopt this vicious character and badger me about any possible liberal issues, with the intent to make me look foolish or get me angry. It saddens me more that this is an economically successful character to adopt.
I will not be ashamed that I was suckered into this show. Because I believe it was my style and my passion that drew him to me. And it was my trusting genuine heart that accepted the face he gave.
Integrity and heart are hard to keep in New York City, I will keep clinging to mine with pride.