I fucking hate April 30th because it is both “Hairstyle Appreciation Day” AND “National Honesty Day.” On National Honesty Day, I like to stay away from all women who want to know how they look in this dress and all the people at work I secretly hate. So, I go where everyone goes when they want to avoid insults. I go to the hair salon. Unfortunately, some asshole stuck that day into this day and now I have to tell someone if their head looks like a poo cunt. Thanks Hallmark!