Posted by
Gavin
• 12.26.15 12:10 am

Deadly-pizza

I love pizza but we are living in an America that eats it or something like it every single day. Add to that other acidic habits like coffee all day and booze all night and we have a heartburn epidemic on our hands. Wait, hear me out.

 

The body has a lot of ways to deal with heartburn. It irritates your throat so you stop eating the thing that does that. Unfortunately, we now have pills that enable us to ignore these built-in safeties. I am hereby positing that acid reflux medications such as Prilosec and Zantac are killing hundreds of thousands of people. You see, acid reflux is horrible shit crawling up your esophagus. It’s hydrochloric acid gas that a valve near your stomach usually prevents from crawling back up. Shitty diets loosen the valve and allow this poison to crawl up your throat and now you’re breathing in acid. That’s way worse than cigarette smoke and I bet you anything we are seeing a lot of fat people with shitty diets dying of lung cancer when they don’t even smoke. Why do you think we seeing a “dramatic” rise in cases of esophogal cancer? I think it’s because we take medications that prevent us from feeling poisonous gases floating up from our stomach.

Here’s another part of my theory. Have you ever taken one of these pills? They taste fucking awful. There’s an acrid, metallic, battery taste that fills your mouth and you have to constantly drink incredibly sweet juice or soda to wash it down. Sugary drinks are the number one cause of obesity in America and that death toll is up to about half a million a year. What if these pills are not only leading to cases of lung cancer but also pushing the obesity epidemic over the edge by tasting so bad?

Obviously, we’re all responsible for our own health and it’s your fault if you fat yourself to death but big pharma is pretty much as bad as the free market gets. They are convincing doctors to help us ignore our instincts and we’re inhaling infinite barf air.

-GAVIN McINNES

UPDATE: It’s not just lung cancer they die of. When you constantly fill your lungs with corrosive gas the lobes scar over until they can no longer do their job. In that sense the pizza slowly suffocated you to death.


Comments
  1. Doc holiday says:

    To early (12:10am-12/26) Gavin to be posting when you obviously are still drunk from the xmas festivities. You stuffed and drank yourself silly, and now think your the Mayo clinic. Throw up is not acid reflux. Clean yourself up, get some rest, as we look forward to a sober, bright eyed,……………

  2. Farook Ja Booti says:

    Doctor Oz from Canada…

  3. definitelymaybe says:

    I think there might be some truth to this. I can cut out pizza and coffee, but alcohol cannot be taken off the menu, dear Gav. I’m 49 and have lived much longer than a great deal of babies born throughout the time of man, so I feel I’m in overtime already and just enjoying the fruits of the greatest civilization ever known throughout the time of man. Beer me, ASAP, one more time.

  4. RED says:

    He’s not saying you have to cut out pizza, alcohol, and coffee. Just cut it down a bit if you’re taking in so much it’s giving you acid reflux. Basically, don’t use pills to fight heartburn.

  5. OogaBooga says:

    Absolutely true!

  6. OogaBoogaYarmulkuh says:

    OogaBooga is my nigga, man. Its hard to pull out when I’m deep in that keyster. Sweet like pecan pie, it is.

  7. Sniffy says:

    We need sugary drinks and bad food to thin the herd. There are too many people in the world right now that are depleting our natural resources. If you’re too stupid to realize what you’re putting in your body is killing you then please continue. I call this natural selection and I stand to make a pretty penny on all the biotech stocks I’m invested in.

  8. OogaBooga says:

    I adore the attention! Thank you for building my readership!

    “Over the years since Pollard was sentenced I have had the good fortune to speak to several former senior intelligence officials who were involved in doing the damage assessment of what the Israeli spy exposed. They were sworn to secrecy on the details of what actually occurred but were able to make some general comments. They agreed on several points, namely that Pollard was the most damaging spy bar none since the Rosenberg espionage ring betrayed U.S. nuclear secrets to the Soviets in the 1940s; that Pollard exposed entire intelligence collection and deterrent systems that had to be recreated or abandoned at a cost of billions of dollars; and that Pollard, who has never shown any genuine remorse for what he did, should never be released from prison.”

    –Philip Giraldi, former CIA officer, and executive director of the Council for the National Interest.

    http://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/the-truth-of-jonathan-pollard/

  9. OogaBoogasYarmulkuh says:

    Keep going…Keeeepp….ARGGGHHH!!!!! *Skeet*…….WoooO…That was fiery.

  10. Pizza hut says:

    Gavin you anti-Sinatra !!! spewing your vile bile.
    Pizza was the manna that kept Moses and the Jews alive in the wilderness for those 40 yrs.
    Pizza the single greatest culinary invention of all times. With pizza and unlimited toppings there’s as much variety as all food combined.
    Here, I solved your problem. Mix Pepto Bismo into your tomato sauce and end of problem.
    Pussy.

  11. frank says:

    Is acid reflux common? I see those commercials but have no idea what it might feel like. I just figured it’s a fat people problem.

  12. NiggersYarmulkuh says:

    Muh dik/yo mama/u gay

  13. OogaBoogasYarmulkuh says:

    hahahah. Keep it tight, sugar.

  14. NiggersYarmulkuh says:

    Sweet talk me all you want to doo-doo brown, but I will not, ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT give you the formula for the Colonel’s secret blend of eleven herbs and spices!

  15. Max Hardcore says:

    @frank…..11:46
    Common among bitches that haven’t mastered the gag reflex. Until they’ve got it down, they puke that acid reflux up and that’s just not ladylike.
    That’s where I cum in.

  16. OogaBoogasYarmulkuh says:

    That’s alright, Senior Gefeltafunky. I would, however, be interested in your sisters big hooked-nose ass to pound for a fortnight or two. Me and the boys love us some yid-pus. MAGNAFIQUE!

  17. OogaBoogasAngryInch says:

    Sorry OogaBoogasYarmulkuh, my sisters ass belongs to me. I come from a long line of inbreeds and we’re keeping it in house, “The House of Soros”.
    I’m a self hating yid whose mission in life is to troll for whispers of Jew and Israel, attack, then lift my leg and spray links to “Democracy Now!”, Prison Planet, Mondoweiss, Leslie Cagan, Code Pink, Noam Chomsky, Norman Finklestein, Michael Lerner, ………..
    My daddy George is my inspiration for this love-hate relationship I have for my own kind.
    But when it comes to my sister it’s all luuuuv so hands off Shvartz, Shvatza, Shvooga.

  18. OogaBooga says:

    Nothing brings me greater pleasure than seeing you sputtering with rage. Of course I never mentioned Code Pink or Chomsky and I despise Soros and many others that you mentioned, but you know that. Your attempts to conflate TRUE conservative views on foreign policy (shared by Patrick Buchanan, Ron Paul and many others) with dipshit socialists simply doesn’t fool thinking people anymore. You can’t engage me in actual debate–on specific issues–so you throw infantile fits that make me look even better than I deserve!

    #FreePollard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Pavlov'sDogOogaBooga says:

    My poor pup, you actually thought we were engaged in a debate.
    I don’t have a dog presently to play with so your my virtual pooch.
    Your well trained and blog broken and like to play fetch.
    I have various balls to pitch and whether true ones or not you respond on command.
    I can call you a human race hating Klingon and you’ll take the bait.
    The bait is you “Love to hear the sound of your own bark”.
    I’m changing your name to Booga Ooga, now roll over and play dead.

  20. OogaBooga says:

    The contraction for “you are” is you’re. As in, you’re obviously a modern-day John Wayne Gacy.

  21. OogaBooga says:

    Oh, yeah:

    PS FREE POLLARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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