I love pizza but we are living in an America that eats it or something like it every single day. Add to that other acidic habits like coffee all day and booze all night and we have a heartburn epidemic on our hands. Wait, hear me out.
The body has a lot of ways to deal with heartburn. It irritates your throat so you stop eating the thing that does that. Unfortunately, we now have pills that enable us to ignore these built-in safeties. I am hereby positing that acid reflux medications such as Prilosec and Zantac are killing hundreds of thousands of people. You see, acid reflux is horrible shit crawling up your esophagus. It’s hydrochloric acid gas that a valve near your stomach usually prevents from crawling back up. Shitty diets loosen the valve and allow this poison to crawl up your throat and now you’re breathing in acid. That’s way worse than cigarette smoke and I bet you anything we are seeing a lot of fat people with shitty diets dying of lung cancer when they don’t even smoke. Why do you think we seeing a “dramatic” rise in cases of esophogal cancer? I think it’s because we take medications that prevent us from feeling poisonous gases floating up from our stomach.
Here’s another part of my theory. Have you ever taken one of these pills? They taste fucking awful. There’s an acrid, metallic, battery taste that fills your mouth and you have to constantly drink incredibly sweet juice or soda to wash it down. Sugary drinks are the number one cause of obesity in America and that death toll is up to about half a million a year. What if these pills are not only leading to cases of lung cancer but also pushing the obesity epidemic over the edge by tasting so bad?
Obviously, we’re all responsible for our own health and it’s your fault if you fat yourself to death but big pharma is pretty much as bad as the free market gets. They are convincing doctors to help us ignore our instincts and we’re inhaling infinite barf air.
UPDATE: It’s not just lung cancer they die of. When you constantly fill your lungs with corrosive gas the lobes scar over until they can no longer do their job. In that sense the pizza slowly suffocated you to death.