Posted by
Mark Derian
• 05.21.13 10:00 am

The question of whether it’s OK to cum on a girl’s face speaks to a fundamental relationship dynamic.

I recently came across the following TED talk by Cindy Gallop, founder of In it, she talks about men who like to cum on girls’ faces. It’s always a fun topic, especially since it speaks to a fundamental relationship dynamic no one ever talks about.

The money shot, so to speak, starts at 1:50 and lasts ’til 2:30.

What do you do when a girl gets upset when you cum on her face? What if she throws a tantrum? What if she cries? You can either:

1. Apologize, feel bad for even wanting to cum on a girl’s face, and promise you will never do it again. Or,

2. Affirm that you like cumming on girls’ faces, and if this girl is going to continue dating you, she’ll have to get used to it.

To the guys who went with #1, there’s no delicate way to put how wrong you are. You were raised by Christians and feminists, and you live in a culture created by Christians and feminists. These two schools deny men one of their most basic desires, a desire that is the keystone of every masculine-feminine relationship: selfishness.

The most concise way I can explain what selfishness means in a relationship is this: The girl will put first whomever you put first. If you’re a wimp who tolerates second-class behavior and caves in to her emotions, she will nag and spend your money and cheat on you. If you put yourself first, your girlfriend will rub your feet and tell you she loves you no fewer than 100 times a day. Not to mention blowjobs galore, because the currency of love is blowjobs.

The corollary of selfishness is respect—when you put yourself first, the girl respects you. As a result, she has little problem changing her preferences to make you happy. What makes you happy will come to make her happy. There’s only a limit to this maxim if you’re a psychopath.

It’s worth mentioning that Gallop admittedly only cavorts with twenty-something men. Well, rarely does a twenty-something man deserve respect—rarely has he learned to be selfish. Therefore, of course Gallop is going to hate it when these boy toys cum on her face. They’re probably trying to be sneaky about it. If a selfish man came on Gallop’s face, she would love it.

So, should you cum on a girl’s face? As we’ve discussed, it’s about what you want. Personally, I like to cum on everything, and a girl’s face is a thing, so yes, I will want to cum on it. My wanting to do it makes it good, and my doing it makes my relationships good. Sure, some girls prefer I don’t cum on their face, but some girls also prefer I don’t fart in front of them. And if they really don’t like it, they know where the door is.

Cumming on a girl’s face has been called misogynistic by the Vagina Monologues crowd. Their point is too mind-numbing to refute. All I can say in response is this: Girls have squirted on my face, and in no way did it make me feel emasculated, degraded, or disrespected. And who doesn’t love getting pussy juice all over your face while eating out a girl? I love girls and I love sex, so of course I’d want to be as close to those two things as possible.

I have consistently praised the virtue of honesty as man’s most powerful weapon when it comes to attraction. But Gallop’s talk reminds me that selfishness is right up there. In fact, selfishness is the other side of the honesty coin. Honesty is a selfish act, and selfishness is an honest act. If, however, you’ve gone to too many sermons or Lilith Fairs to be selfish, then find the nicest girl possible so she’ll at least feel bad when she walks all over you.




  1. Anonymous says:

    I say shoot it wherever.

  2. Joe Jizzalanche says:

    She’s like 60 and wants to “make love” to 20-something-year olds. That point is too mind-numbing to refute.

  3. lonely sally says:

    I wish someone would cum in my pussy.

  4. mybandismoreobscurethanyours says:


  5. jonathan strauss says:

    The dude who rights this blog is kinda chubby and wears weird nike trainers so I can’t really take him serious on the sex talk.

    Just Google, “MARK DERIAN” for epic letdowns and pix of the cherubic, virginal author.

  6. Dr. Scientist. says:

    Porn is just a product that is put out for people to watch if they so chose. The fact that facials are so popular in porn is because guys like seeing it. There is no sinister motive in porn, they just want to make products that people want to buy. If you have a problem with cum shots to the face, you have a problem with that aspect of male sexuality, not with the porn industry. As Mr. Jizzalanche pointed out, this is a very old woman who admits that she mostly fucks 20-something year old males. She clearly has no problem expressing her own sexuality and treating it as natural. When it comes to someone else’s sexuality which conflicts with hers, she assumes it must be the fault of porn. I know TONS of girls who actively enjoy taking it to the face, and I don’t see why they should be made to feel like their sexual preferences are wrong just because this one very very old woman happen not to like it.

    How is this a ted talk anyways? All she said is that she doesn’t like cum on her face and she stared a pointless website to share her distaste. Who won’t they give a ted talk to these days (besides Goad, who would probably do the best one ever)?

  7. Jizzlobber says:

    What’s really great is how people like this (and they only exist on the internet, are we sure this TED lady isn’t a hologram?) think porn has turned men into dirty perverts. What are they going to do when they find out we are naturally this filthy?

    And hasn’t anyone heard Patrice O’Neal talk about the “receipt”? It says everything that needs to be said.

  8. I actually blogged about that when it first came out and she and I had a shortlived exchange about it and her dorky website.

    Basically like all her generation, she thinks she invented everything, including sex and websites. She is one of those people who are all “pro-sex” — except for the 50000 things they don’t approve of.

    Someday all these old weird people will finally be dead.

  9. Cindy Gallop says:

    Heh heh. It’s not easy in only 4 mins on the TED stage to address all the nuances of a very complicated area, and people do tend to fixate on this one soundbite – I guess especially because, as one Twitterer said at the time, this was the first (and last) time the words ‘come on my face’ have been heard on the TED stage six times in succession…:) If you check out the website you’ll see that I’m not critiquing coming on faces, simply recommending communication to ensure everyone involved is enjoying everything :) For those querying why this is an issue, do check out the ‘About’ page on to see just some of the thousands of emails I’ve received ever since that talk launched the site four and a half years ago, that demonstrate why MLNP is needed and has been so welcomed. You may also be interested in where I’ve taken it since then given the extraordinary response –

    As I stated, I’m entirely pro-porn, and my views are best reflected in a much more up to date context here in my SXSW 2013 talk on ‘The Future Of Porn’:

    and in my op-ed for the Independent a couple of months back titled, ‘It’s not that porn degrades women, it’s that business degrades porn’:

    And btw, I’m 53, not 60; yes, I really do exist; and I’m rather fond of filthy young men :)

    Yours, Very Very Old Woman

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