Posted by
HJ Fountain
• 11.24.15 11:49 am

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Ever since the non-Islamic Islamic attack in Paris that killed 130 people, folks are freaking out about how it could happen here. That’s silly. We shouldn’t fear these people; we should simply accept the fact that Muslims are mostly right and just get over it. Because if we don’t, they might suicide bomb us. Islamists have a lotta good points and it would be very Islamophobic to ignore them. Here are the top five they bring to the culture table.

1.) Women Suck: Chicks need to understand they are useless deadweight—they should be seen (in a burka), not heard, subjugated, beaten, and raped at any time. The only good thing a chick can possibly do is birth a jihadist who will further marginalize women. How is this not common sense?

2.) Jews Suck: Sorry, I meant, “Joooz Suck.” Have you seen the price of those kosher hotdogs? Only a covetous Hebraic Zionist could live with that inflated price on his conscience.

3.) FGM Rocks: That stands for “Female Genital Mutilation.” Slicing off a woman’s clitoris is the best thing a man can do. It removes the idea that a woman can have pleasure from sex. She won’t cheat. Why would she? It robs a chick of her most intimate desires. Genius!

4.) The West Sucks: Of course we do—even though ISIS relies on Twitter and Facebook to gain recruits—Freedom of Expression is retarded. I mean, freedom is just ridiculous and Islam has a good cure for it. They will kill you. I think that whenever you place your racist hand over your racist heart and sing the “Star-Spangled Banner,” you should be subject to Hate Crime legislation.

5.) Gays Suck: ISIS throws gays off of tall buildings. I’m pretty sure that flaming gays may float, but I doubt they can fly. This is just Islam conducting a scientific experiment and we should all be thankful. Surprisingly, gays are like cats, and when thrown down from 20 floors up, they always land on their feet.

-H.J. FOUNTAIN


Comments
  1. OogaBooga says:

    Oh, boy, a “joooz” reference, and an inanely, incorrectly-used one at that. You’re heading straight for Pulitzer City with this one, Fountain. This is your masterpiece.

  2. OogaBooga says:

    P.S. Your country created ISIS, and our evil ally just shot down a Russian jet to protect ISIS. Saudi Playboys who piss on all things Islamic and the Kosher Bros love ISIS. Why do you hate the jooooooooooooz?

  3. dick lubin says:

    “jews suck, gays suck, women suck…”
    what is this? the takis mag comments section?

  4. Juan Williams' face says:

    The thought of converting Islam crossed my mind but then realized it would be cultural appropriation. Oh well.

  5. OogaBooga says:

    Ahh..Jewish.

  6. OogaBooga says:

    Ah, you finally decided to take my name exactly. There’s a serious flaw in the system here. The center cannot hold.

  7. OogaBoogaYarmulkuh says:

    No worries, Avi. You can have your name back.

  8. MM says:

    ISLAM is Teh AWESOME-join today or die tomorrow!

  9. OogaBooga says:

    THANKS! Many brave men are banding together in the fight against ISIS!

    “The Russian airman was found by an 18-man Syrian special forces team acting together with six members of an elite Hezbollah unit.”

  10. Real McRealnameson says:

    @dick lubin
    just need a couple of white genocide and gun ownership comments then it’d be taki mag territory.

  11. your dad says:

    Holy Fucking Koran, are you trying to get yourself killed?

  12. raymi says:

    I feel it.

  13. The zit on Juan Williams ass says:

    Wonder what Isis thinks about Farrakhan and I wonder what he’s thinking about them. Is he down with the struggle and going to help the 12th imam usher in Armageddon or is he just another fake jive ass black hustler profiting off the most gullible people on earth. Obviously I’m being factious but still I bet there’s some members of his racket who must be wondering what if any role they will play in the coming terrorism. Black Panthers as incompetent and stupid as they are would I bet be more likely to join the mischief. The 72 virgin sales pitch works well with low IQ types so Shitavious, it would seem, would be a natural recruit with the right father figure to pimp his jihadi ass. Only problem is I can’t see many of them, being as they are such self centered looks at me perpetual infants, blowing themselves up for anything. Unlike Mohammed they’ve got plenty of young and willing fast tail virgins to molest in the hood so the sales pitch would need to be modified in order to work. Maybe the martyrdom destination could be described as a perpetual drive by, blunt fest, tagging, bootylicious, tumble weave, knock out game, devils night, bakka ball, finger licking chicken, no dissing, no whitey, Gibs me all of dat, black American Express no limit card, bitch slapping party with Trayvon, Michael Brown, and all the other saints of the bro-ther hood.

  14. dun says:

    comment.

  15. Lord Hatchstein says:

    I don’t know which Ooga Booga was first but dammit, I want the one that’s not a shia convert/Duginist/translator of Limonov back

  16. Duh says:

    Ugh ! Someone find a cure for this metastasizing cancer called Ooga Booga as it’s out of control threatening to spill out into the streets and wreak mayhem and carnage. My theory is an evil Yiddish scientist when concocting the AIDS virus to exterminate Africans and while putting the finishing touches on the creation of his beast of burden the Goyim decided to throw out some old Petri dishes of dick cancer cells he had created to cause large black cocks to undergo dicksectomys. In the skreets the discarded cancer goo landed in a puddle of used condoms, syringes, blunts, and boogers becoming a recombinant stew that created a Frankenstein we call OOGA BOOGA

  17. Ayesha says:

    May Allah bless you with the right path… :'(
    Plz remove this photo and coments.


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