Ever since the non-Islamic Islamic attack in Paris that killed 130 people, folks are freaking out about how it could happen here. That’s silly. We shouldn’t fear these people; we should simply accept the fact that Muslims are mostly right and just get over it. Because if we don’t, they might suicide bomb us. Islamists have a lotta good points and it would be very Islamophobic to ignore them. Here are the top five they bring to the culture table.
1.) Women Suck: Chicks need to understand they are useless deadweight—they should be seen (in a burka), not heard, subjugated, beaten, and raped at any time. The only good thing a chick can possibly do is birth a jihadist who will further marginalize women. How is this not common sense?
2.) Jews Suck: Sorry, I meant, “Joooz Suck.” Have you seen the price of those kosher hotdogs? Only a covetous Hebraic Zionist could live with that inflated price on his conscience.
3.) FGM Rocks: That stands for “Female Genital Mutilation.” Slicing off a woman’s clitoris is the best thing a man can do. It removes the idea that a woman can have pleasure from sex. She won’t cheat. Why would she? It robs a chick of her most intimate desires. Genius!
4.) The West Sucks: Of course we do—even though ISIS relies on Twitter and Facebook to gain recruits—Freedom of Expression is retarded. I mean, freedom is just ridiculous and Islam has a good cure for it. They will kill you. I think that whenever you place your racist hand over your racist heart and sing the “Star-Spangled Banner,” you should be subject to Hate Crime legislation.
5.) Gays Suck: ISIS throws gays off of tall buildings. I’m pretty sure that flaming gays may float, but I doubt they can fly. This is just Islam conducting a scientific experiment and we should all be thankful. Surprisingly, gays are like cats, and when thrown down from 20 floors up, they always land on their feet.