Posted by
D. Eric Beckles
• 01.07.11 12:00 pm

We love lists.They’re simple, they’re succinct, they’re bulleted. Lists don’t pussy foot around a point or message like a book or some gay haiku.

We love lists. They’re simple, they’re succinct, they’re bulleted. Lists don’t pussy foot around a point or message like a book or some gay haiku, they just do what they were made to do: Tell you some fucking piece of information. No room for interpretation, no subtext, no nothing. Read it. Boom. Done. Next. Going from a book to a list is like upgrading from a razor scooter with a loose wheel to a Porsche convertible.

As great as list are, they still have one gaping flaw: They require reading. Our generation doesn’t have time for this primitive phonetic alphabet bullshit that enslaved our predecessors. The transfer of knowledge needs to be instantaneous, like a blood-borne virus. I propose the Venn Diagram.

Along with general meme awareness, Venn diagrams are steadily on the rise. Also, thanks to the technological advances in the fields of geometric compass production and distribution, more and more people are getting their hands on the tools to make them.

Unfortunately, I feel that up to this point the full potential of the Venn diagram hasn’t really been properly explored. It’s mostly regarded as the red-headed stepchild of the graphical representation community, and as a result has found a refuge with internet nerds/people with nothing of real importance to say/people living with their parents. See? How much easier would that sentence have been if it were a Venn diagram?

But in truth, most Venn diagrams circulating our fabulous system of tubes designed for sharing pornographic images have been, to say the least, lackluster. To say a little more, they are pathetic and terrible to see, very similar to watching a crying middle-aged man struggling to force his pale flaccid member into the arid vagina of a disinterested Polish hooker.

Painful no? We can do better. Much better.

This is uncharted territory. There are no greats yet. You could come out of nowhere and give the world something they’re not ready for; be the Michael Jordan of the VD scene. Or if you prefer, you could have a very promising future in the VD scene, and instead, buckle under the pressure your rookie year and go missing, only to be found playing Xbox at your friends house after a failed suicide attempt via a pill overdose. (That’d make you more of a Vince Young of the scene.)

The point is, we need to get out there and do this before the fucking Chinese eat us alive. There’s no telling how long we have until their full scale invasion. Not long probably. If we don’t do something that makes us feel alive, just once, even for a second, then are we really that much better than them after all?


  1. Anonymous says:

    do you only look at your own site on the internets? the shit now is infographics. venn diagrams was played out a while ago. venn diagrams are not what’s hot on the streets right now. OLD

  2. rosebush says:


  3. Gosh, this is gonna get hella Diggs!

  4. MOARs FAT CHICKS!!! says:

    i hope you have sex with american apparel girls…and how

  5. Damien says:

    Problem concerning VD1:

    How can “music I like” and “music I used to like” be in the same subset?

  6. Eine Kleine Arsemusik says:

    “VD scene.”

    Ahahaha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

  7. Anonymous says:

    i wish my vagina was arid

  8. Anonymous says:

    flow charts = moar funny

  9. doye says:

    DAMIEN is right. Logical fallacy.

  10. blah says:

    Does SBTC really need to explain to it’s hipster audience what a venn diagram is?

    I don’t think the spaced out club kids who live-free-now-but-will-have-a-career-at-Statbucks-later are really reading this site.

  11. porridge thump says:

    and furthermore to wot doye says,having a section of your life dedicated to music you used to like implies you only liked it at the time for i guess any number of reasons apart from that you liked it because it was good.e.g peer group pressure,fleeting trends but the bottom line is you have been into music that you never really liked or you’d still like it now.
    what i mean to say is that you are/were a poseur and i don’t really trust you.

  12. George R. Geef says:

    i came in here to post what Damiem said

  13. […] I should create Venn diagrams of how relationships challenge or encourage specific beliefs, values, or opinions. It’s […]

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