Posted by
John Pittsley
• 10.23.15 11:12 am


When did rivalries become so tame? Just because we are technically living in the future and should be acting civil, doesn’t mean you can’t still crack someone’s head open for having a different opinion than you. Nerds, of all people, need to recognize this.

If you look at any online forum or message board, you’ll see oodles and noodles of losers mouthing off to one another about what sci-fi movie or comic book series is the best. These are all pathetic dweebs who struggle with alienation and depression, caused by their obsession with fantasies. Another reason they may be suffering from these ailments is the fact there’s no real satisfaction that comes with verbally attacking someone anonymously. If instead these nerds gathered their like-minded brethren and took to the streets to inflict bodily harm on other nerds, who disagreed with them, they might actually gain some satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Like the Bloods and Crips.

One of the biggest problems nerds have is they rely too heavily on words. You’d think they’d realize how ineffective verbal abuse was, considering they use the line “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” over and over again. Yet words continue to be their weapon of choice, despite the fact nothing ever gets accomplished and they all end up sounding like a Real Housewives of Orange County re-union. Fists and weapons on the other hand, can settle disputes in a reasonable amount of time. It may not be the smartest thing to do but it can be fun and even look cool too.

Using violence doesn’t just end disputes in a timely fashion, it attracts the opposite sex. Women may claim to value smarts and a sense of humor but they also get wet for dudes who can protect them and beat the living snot out of others. Getting into an online argument over whether Star Trek is better than Star Wars doesn’t show you’re capable of either of those things. Using your fists does. Physical violence may be the primary choice for savages, and that’s exactly the point. Women want and need a bloodthirsty animal, who can tear them apart in the streets and between the sheets.

Being violent can also help you gain some respect. Despite their high intelligence, a lot of nerds are unable to grasp why they’re the targets of ridicule so often. What they don’t realize is there’s nothing admirable about religiously masturbating in a dark room and anonymously launching insults at people over the internet. Stepping out from behind your keyboard and expressing yourself with your fists shows courage and a passion for what you believe in. And that’s something worth admiring, no matter how stupid or inconsequential that belief may be.

By the time a lot of nerds resort to violence, it’s too late. They bottle up so much anger and aggression that once they let it out, it’s in the form of a mass shooting or homicide. If they were to physically let that anger out, every once in a while, they may gain a better feeling of self-worth and maybe even get laid from time to time. Or they could just give all that gay shit up and not have to deal with any of it.


  1. STINKY says:

    super edgy

  2. John Thomas says:

    When I was in college there was a Medieval Combat Club. Nerds would get together and and hit each other with homemade foam weapons on central campus. Not sure if it got them laid, but at least they were interacting face to face.

  3. jbones says:

    Who be da Crypts? Maybe the dead Crips?

  4. Some Guy says:

    I cannot own a firearm, vote or get most government jobs because I won a fist fight at 22 with a guy who provoked it by throwing a beer in my face.

  5. frank says:

    If you find yourself in 2015 needing to be violent you’ve made a long series of idiotic choices. Choose venues and company and activities more carefully.

    The problem I’ve noted from time to time in modern bougie society is the lack of some sort of formalized dueling culture. It’s almost a human universal with men all over the world that beefs go: Yo asshole you’re over the line, apologize and knock it off or experience fear and pain; Even if you win it’s going to ruin your week. The Asshole gets a chance to apologize and make amends and reflect on his behavior, or receive a proper and fair one-on-one beat-down, mediated by standards and the community.

    Boxing’s Queensberry Rules were all about getting dueling away from pistols and swords, because people were getting killed and maimed way too often. I saw some documentary on a Bantu tribe where they did their dueling with long wood poles but the guys wear a bunch of cloth “armor” so nobody gets killed. Whatever, there have been different solutions through the ages but it’s almost universal.

    Now I see over and over and over situations where some guy needs a reality check. All he needs is a polite: hey uhh, apologize or I’m going to make your nose bleed. Usually he doesn’t even realize he’s over the line. He needs that social mechanism in order to learn how to behave. If the mechanism were there he wouldn’t even have become such an asshole in the first place.

    With cable TV news I don’t think I’d get out of those shows without a stint in the can. On any of those shows people need to get punched in the face. If they had got punched in the face in the past those shows would be so much better and more watchable. Guarantee you that somehow Bill OReilly skated through life without a proper beatdown.

  6. jbones says:

    PITTSLEY! No correction was necessary… Dat was some funny shit!

  7. dingbat says:

    Or why not just work a job where confrontation is required? That’ll get it done minus the assault charges, and you’ll get laid more.

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