How many emails have you received from people you thought you liked that said, “I don’t usually send political emails but it’s time to stand up and make a difference blah blah blah”?
How many emails have you received from people you thought you liked that said, “I don’t usually send political emails but it’s time to stand up and make a difference blah blah blah”? I’m not talking about nerds or old people. I’m talking about emails from your closest friends, your mother even. My fucking boxing coach just sent me one asking to vote against some Sarah Palin thing on NPR. Huh? Then you have every comedian and blogger and music writer in America setting up some fucking PayPal account so we can give a politician with 150 million dollars in campaign funds, a few more piles of hundred dollar bills (PS: Am I the only one who finds it a little gay that the guy who spent MILLIONS trying to convince young people that he is “not like other presidents and actually super cool” is now considered “not like other presidents and actually super cool”?) On top of all this unbelievably lame bullshit, you have artists like Shepard Fairey and his big HOPE poster and DJ Z Trip making a song for Obama and Ron English doing shit for “Change.” Even my previously flawless pal David Choe did a fucking painting for the guy that sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. These people do illegal graffiti (or music) for a living and they’re trying to help the president? It’s exactly like that part in xXx: State of the Union when Ice Cube has to convince Xzibit to save the president because – get this – the American Way allows Xzibit to sell drugs and without this president at the wheel, it will be even harder to be a criminal.
Do you people honestly think it matters one iota who the president is? Do you enjoy paying tax? Do you want to be ruled? Why do you love the president so much? It’s gay.
“Well, he’s the lesser of two evils and the last thing we need is another Republican in the White House. They got us into a war you know.” The “Republicans” didn’t get us into a war. The government did. They always do. It doesn’t matter who the president is. In fact, I would argue Bush is one of the biggest Democrat Dickheads we’ve ever had. He certainly spends like one. And he loves open borders more than the Kennedys could ever dream of. Even the war in Iraq could be seen as more “Save the World” pandering that liberals (now called neocons) built their whole reputation on. Conversely, Clinton was such a successful fiscal conservative Pat Buchanan once beat off thinking about him. The point being, it is a total and utter crap shoot. Conservatives who voted for Bush got the biggest spending Democrat of all time. He outsourced the whole country and gave all our jobs to the world’s poor. Liberals who voted for Clinton got a tight-fisted paleoconservative who refused to throw money at America’s problems despite his party’s modus operandi.
All politicians care about is votes and the only thing they “change” is your ability to make your own money. If they succeed it wasn’t their hard work. It was yours. If they fail it is most likely their fault. We don’t succeed because of them. We succeed DESPITE them.
Ron Paul recently made it pretty clear both McCain and Obama have the same foreign policy. Contrary to popular belief, Obama would not pull out of Iraq before McCain does. They will both pull out as soon as it isn’t disastrous to do so. Whatever makes them look good. Why does anyone believe anything a politician says, anyways? I thought we were all on the same page. They lie. McCain and Obama both say they are going to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. You know who else said that? As 20/20 recently pointed out, “Every president since Nixon.”
“This intolerable” (Carter) “excessive dependence” (Bush Sr.) “on foreign energy sources” (Nixon).
Why are you even pretending to care anyways? Most of the people screaming for change barely graduated with a liberal arts degree. Do you think anyone in this incredibly irritating ad knows anything past “war is bad”?
As Bryan Caplan pointed out in his book The Myth of the Rational Voter, the majority of the issues regarding this election are way over people’s heads.
When you do get down to the nitty gritty, you see both sides have a policy that revolves around nothing more than, “Vote for me.” Neither of them are going to go out on a limb if it’s going to cost them votes. Obama has said he might tax people who make over 250k, IF that’s an option. McCain might too. Whatever works at that particular time. In this Bill O’Reilly interview, Obama is forced to explain the exact numbers when discussing capital gains tax (snooooooze). Guess what. He wants whatever the person asking him wants. The right would like to keep capital gains tax below 20%. The left would like it to go above 20%. Eventually Obama says OK to 20% and O’Reilly agrees. That’s right. Bill O’Reilly agrees with Barack Obama. That’s how fucking wishy washy and boring these liars are. Is Barack for guns or against guns? Both! Like all politicians, he’s whatever you want him to be.
And do you really believe Palin would overturn Roe vs Wade? We just had a pro-life president for two terms. He brought pro-life judges Roberts and Alito into the Supreme Court. What happened to abortion? Nothing. None of it matters. They are all the same. Shit, not only is McCain the same as Obama, so is Palin. They both have about the same work experience. Here’s a guy arguing Palin has more. Yet, all my friends see her as a nuclear weapon, just waiting for the right moment to blow us all up. (She also has the same foreign policy experience as Clinton and Reagan by the way, so please shut up about that.) Palin is not going to give everyone guns or kill fags, not more than any other politican. In 2006 she vetoed a bill that would deny benefits to same sex couples. Why? Because it seemed best for her at that particular point in time. I’m not saying I love Palin. I hate her fucking guts but I hate all politician’s guts. Think of the kind of shitstain you’d have to be to want to be a politician. The idea that McCain / Palin represents fear and racism and war while Obama / Biden represents hope and change and equality is a level of naivete usually reserved for wasted college girls about to be raped.
Neither of them will cut taxes or work the economy differently. Fake emergencies pay their bills so if the terrorism scam runs out of steam, they will just switch over to the environment and convince us we’re all going to cough to death unless we pay more money. The REPUBLICANS just paid $25 billion to make cars more green (none of which will go to making cars more green).
I realize this economic collapse came from Karl Rove’s retarded notion of home ownership but Clinton was OBSESSED with the same idea. They are all incompetent boobs and how bad they fuck us over is up to Fortuna and her deadly wheel to decide.
Don’t believe me? Try this: Knock yourself out right before the election and go into a coma for four years. When you wake up I will tell you what’s been going on since you’ve been out. I’m not going to have any giveaways like “There was tons of change and hope” or “Corporations bombed Iran.” I’m just going to tell you what happened. If you guess right I will pay you one thousand dollars cash. (That only works out to about two cents an hour but the odds are still 50/50 so why not, right?)
So, to all the people sending me these gay “Rock the Vote” type emails: Stop falling for this bullshit. It’s making you look like one of those kids who yells about school spirit and says we all have to go to the football game this Friday because “Our team needs us.”
I don’t give a fuck who gets elected because they are all the same. I’m not going to vote and I don’t think you should either but it doesn’t matter either way, not even in swing states. Sorry to sound like such a Negative Nells. What I’m trying to say is actually pretty positive: You are the only person that can invoke Change. All the president can do is shit on it. And they all shit on it with equal enthusiasm.