Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 05.06.12 09:00 am

Hey Listen: There WAS no fucking Google.

In 1986, when my crew of eleven-year-olds discovered The Beasties’ encrypted vinyl doctrine, we had our work cut out for us. We couldn’t just type their lyrics into some futuristic machine and have the meanings handed back—each crass little Easter egg had to be decoded by perverted detective work, or by relying on older brothers and irresponsible doormen to tell us what the hell it meant:

  • How can he recognize a girlie from the back of her head?
  • They all switch places when he rings the bell? Sounds fucked-up like naked Twister maybe?
  • Rolled up to Wooley? Who the fuck is that?

We had to earn the enlightenment of each and every lesson, like tracking down hidden fire-flowers and 1up-mushrooms nestled in the uniform bricks of World 1-2.

In a world where owning a Playboy was the greatest achievement a kid could hope to attain, Licensed to Ill was more than the soundtrack of our childhood; it was a secret guide to humor and rebellion and confidence that helped us invent our own identities and eventually get laid.

For my crew and me, it lead to skating, to graffiti, to hip-hop; to the secret languages and underground tunnels of New York City. But whichever scenes you jocked in high school to help you find friends and give you something to pretend to be, we all had Licensed to Ill in common.

I know: You can tell which song is about to start just by the ambient static that comes before each track. Jesus, that holy beige cassette; the scent of the plastic, the magnetic tape, the felt tape heads. 3MTA3! The sounds of Licensed to Ill line the reptilian core of our brains, like old phone numbers and the smell of finger paint.

* * *
When MCA died on Friday, it was a lot. I’ve kept away from Twitter recently, but when I heard the news, the first thing I did was check my “feed.” In the end, that’s really the perfect use for the damn thing. Twitter’s like religion; totally full of shit, but sort of essential in times of death, loss, and terror.

When I saw this tweet on Friday, I knew my man had captured a sentiment that I hadn’t before considered:

We all know some will jump to disagree with a statement so bold, but at its core, the observation is crucial. No one wants to award new All Time Greatest titles to motherfuckers, but sometimes Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds come along and you have to realize all these guys were just human beings in the first place.

It’s pretty straightforward: if you realize that hip-hop is now the dominant form of popular culture on this planet, you’ve got to recognize that as the first guys to bring rap music to mainstream light, the Beastie Boys get permanent crowns.

Chuck D was right: The Beastie Boys were the Jackie Robinsons of this art form, and their contribution was every bit as historic.

* * *
I met MCA just once, in 1995 at the height of his Free Tibet work. Surprise surprise: I was a little 20-year-old douchebag and thought his Tibet bullshit was hypnotized PC pretentiousness. He was an old hero and I was an insecure wannabe, so I tried as hard as I could to pretend I was “over it” and that I didn’t care what he thought. I cracked a joke at his expense, something stupid about Free Tibet with purchase of medium Pepsi – or – how rare for a Jew to be fighting for free stuff – something retarded like that.

He laughed at the joke and was cool and gave me more respect than I deserved. I felt stupid. I guess that’s how he was: charitable and ultra-serious about his causes, but not pretentious or too much up his own ass. Guy could laugh at himself and was totally level-headed.

And academic jerkoffs much worse than me were saying shit to him like “Well DON’T you uhhhhhhh, FEEL, um, Mister YOUCH (rhymes with ouch) that your attitude of progressiveness is somewhat hypoCRITICAL, seeing as your ROOTS lie mainly in inflatable penis stage props and smoking dust?”

MCA just copped no contest – zen style – shrugging, “Man, everyone’s twenty at some point, you know? I had to be on television at that age so how you gonna hold me to that shit?”

Didn’t play it! What a fucking guy. We lost a biggie; rest in peace.

—BENJAMIN LEO
@TheBenWord


Comments
  1. RED says:

    The first time I got fake ID, I asked the bartender for a Brass Monkey. He had no idea what I was talking about. He even looked it up in a book of drinks and still couldn’t find it.

  2. blaahus poopus says:

    nice one. r.i.p.

  3. Not Quite says:

    except the beatles last albums were great….

  4. RIP says:

    Thanks for this, it’s perfect.

  5. WELL I HOPE THAT HITLERY CLINTON HAS THIS TRANSLATED INTO CHINESS BRAILE SO CHEN GUANGCHENG CAN READ IT AND ‘CHECK HIS HEAD’ BEFORE HE DISPLAY THE APPROPRIATE SHOWING OF ‘GRATTITUDE’

  6. Gavin says:

    At the very end Ad-Rock goes, “I love you mom. I love you Dave Scilken.” Scilken was the vocalist for Ad-Rock’s old hardcore band The Young and the Useless. During the Licensed to Ill tour, Scilken’s job was to go into the audience and give the hottest girls backstage passes, only, he’d get so wasted he’d just end up hooking up with the first one and totally forget about the band.
    I don’t know why those days are frowned upon. What’s the matter with an inflatable dick? It’s funny.

  7. RED says:

    I liked the party phase best. That shit he’s saying about muslims is bullshit. They may have a lot of nice guys but they have a disproportionately high number of psychos. He’s right that we shouldn’t bomb them but it’s not our foreign policy that makes them nuts. It’s the extremist nuts that hijacked their religion. He was right about Tibet though. China needs to fuck off.

  8. Jay says:

    Ever heard of the past tense, RED?

  9. Cunty McStevens says:

    Real Talk. Rest in Peace Adam

  10. Anonymous says:

    i knew you’d write something decent about this. thank you.

  11. corey says:

    Why does Ben sound so mad all the time?

  12. chuckeep says:

    this was great. still feels strange a BB is gone.

  13. beens says:

    “Jesus, that holy beige cassette; the scent of the plastic, the magnetic tape, the felt tape heads. 3MTA3!

    TOTALLY.

  14. Reverse, reverse says:

    I am happy to have grown up during a time when there was so much awesome music. Thanks for the memories.


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