What the hell has gotten into the old timers these days? Back when I was a young whipper snapper, old fogeys used to have their shit together. They’d still lose their memory and crap their pants but they still had the common decency to wear uncomfortable clothes and use actual canes. Nowadays, they use these ridiculous things from the future that make it look like they’re going on a hike with a robot or mountain climbing on mars.
Every generation’s style changes from one to the next, just like their taste in music. And with advancements in technology there’s obviously going to be some shitty forms of clothing and attire that get left in the sands of time. That’s why you don’t really see people walking around in flowing robes and open-toe sandals with olive branch crowns on their big dumb heads anymore. Good ole fashion canes don’t really fall into that category, though. They’re more like suspenders, pipes, and fishing hats; they’re a staple of the elderly’s attire and if they want their words to carry any weight, they’d better not start fucking around with them.
Old people are supposed to be wise and giving advice at all times, whether it’s asked for or not. Their bitching and moaning may get tiresome every now and then but it should ultimately instill some values or ethics in us that are necessary in maintaining our society. A majority of people will take it for granted when they’re younger, as they should. Just because the elderly are filled with knowledge, doesn’t mean the youth should listen to every single little word that dribbles out of their mouths. Being rebellious and acting like a little brat is part of being young and anyone who does everything they’re told is a classic dweeb anyways. Plus, you never really know when an old person has started to get Alzheimer’s and is actually spewing out non-sense. That doesn’t mean their words don’t resonate with the youth to a certain degree. But in order for those words to have some effect, the elderly have to play their part and that includes using a cane that doesn’t look like it was bought on SkyMall.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize people’s tastes and hobbies change as they mature. Some of this has to do with the fact that some things just lose their charm but a lot of it has to do with the fact that at a certain age, people simply aren’t able to pull off the same shit as they once were. That’s why you don’t still see Michael Jordan winning championships anymore and for the most part, adult men egging houses or killing small animals for fun. Sure, Jordan got tired of winning championships and found a new passion in gambling and golf. While most kids recognize, somewhere in their teens, that getting laid and fucked up is more fun than fucking other people’s houses up. However, if you saw an adult man TP-ing someone’s house or throwing rocks at squirrels, you’d think the guy was in Antifa or mentally handicapped. And Michael Jordan would get his ass whooped if he stepped on an NBA court, now. Same thing goes for the elderly and using technology or trying to keep up with the times, they just can’t pull it off. The only exception is using Rascal scooters but that only goes for the ones who are handicapped or are only waiting to die and are fine with being invisible cyborgs. For all the others, who want their words of wisdom and stories of the past to be heard, it’s essential they continue using outdated crap.
When someone’s giving advice, it’s important they’re speaking from a place of authority. And when someone’s complaining, it’s important they have something to bitch about. Nowhere is this more evident than with old people. They have the life experience to know what they’re talking about and their biggest complaint tends to be things aren’t as they once were. While it’s a perfectly valid claim, it’s not all that great of a thing to whine about. Especially when the quality of life continues to improve. It doesn’t help matters if they’re taking advantage of all the improvements being made to minor conveniences. They could change all that by continuing to use the contraptions of their own time or their fathers’ fathers’ time. Not just because it would give them something to complain about but because it would show they meant business when they said they wished things were the way they once were.
None of this would probably matter all too much if we still sent old people off to sea, when it was their time but we’ve civilized a bit over the years and now we let those wrinkly bastards waste away on the porch or La-Z-Boy. So, we have to look at their ugly mugs until they actually die and we stick ‘em in the ground. The fact they continue yappin’ about every little goddamned thing that makes them unhappy right up until the very end doesn’t make it any easier but maybe it would help if they could handle using canes from the time they wish we were living in.