Posted by
John Pittsley
• 06.22.16 05:18 pm

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When did honking the horn start being considered road rage? Come to think of it, when did road rage become a thing? Honking the horn and yelling at retarded motorists and pedestrians is how you’re supposed to drive.

In an ideal world, everyone would understand how to drive correctly; use turn signals when needed, only use the passing lane when hauling balls, run red lights when there’s no one coming. You know, the usual stuff your Pop teaches you. Unfortunately, there’s a ton of fucking idiots out there on the road and they all seem to share a certain timidness and sensitivity. What’s worse, these sensitive ninnies can’t stand it when their driving skills are criticized. Instead of taking the hint and driving more aggressively, these timid pussies make the people who are trying to help them out look like the bad guys. Getting in a huff over being called out on driving like a doofus is perfectly reasonable but labeling good samaritans as psychopaths is a dickhead move.

When people are acting like ding dongs, it’s necessary to let them know. Alerting someone to their shitty driving or pedestrian etiquette isn’t just the courteous thing to do, it’s keeping them and everyone else on the road safe. It’s important people use the proper method and not go overboard, though. Waiving your piece at a pedestrian, who’s looking at his phone and not the “Do Not Cross” sign, isn’t just overkill, it’s not gonna do shit. If some inconsiderate asshole is too preoccupied to see a blinking red sign, telling him not to cross the road, he sure as shit isn’t going to see the tiny black gun his life is being threatened with. Using the correct means to notify a prick of their retarded ways is key to keeping roads safe.

Back in the good ole days, when there were no established rules of the road and you could basically do whatever the fuck you wanted, car horns were only there to let people know you were coming. They were a safety measure of sorts, put in place for the driver to lean on when zipping around like a crazy bastard so others would know to get the hell out of the way. Once the fun police got involved and started implementing stupid shit like speed limits, traffic signals, lanes, and other boring crap the horn somehow became known as a tool for “impatient assholes”. The overriding message remained, keep your head up or you’re gonna get flattened like a fucking pancake, but all the new rules and regulations made it necessary for idiots to clarify what they’re being honked at for.

A simple honk of the horn is never good enough. Whenever some idiot is doing something stupid and getting honked at, they always throw their hands up and give a “what’s your problem?” look. You would think they’d be grateful for an explanation because of this but considering these are people who’re unable to grasp the ebb and flow of everyday traffic, they take it as an insult instead. These morons aren’t just incapable of appreciating helpful advice, they’re too stupid to realize you need to yell in order for someone to hear you on the road. You can’t just poke your head out of the window when you’re driving and say, “um, excuse me. Just to let you know. I was only honking at you because it’s rush hour and you’re trying to make a left hand turn when that big sign in front of you says no left hand turns. You’re kinda holding us all up. K, thanks. Bye!” The guy isn’t going to hear you and you’re going to look like a tremendous pussy. That’s what’s so great about yelling like a maniac, it gets your message across and just sounds good.

Sometimes you have to show you mean business and yelling isn’t always enough. Just because something has been brought to someone’s attention doesn’t mean they’re going to do anything about it. Sometimes, you have to put some pressure on a person for them to change their ways and publicly shaming them is a great way to do that. Raining insults down on some asshole at a busy crosswalk, who almost got himself killed, or flipping off a guy with his family, who’s holding everyone up, will make them think twice before trying that shit again. If that doesn’t do the trick, the only other option is to shock or scare them straight. That’s what all these sallies need to realize. When someone’s waving their pistol around or pulls over and takes out their tire iron, it’s not so much a threat as much as it is a wake up call. It’s just a friendly reminder to take your head out of your ass and pay more attention.

People need to stop acting like pussies and utilize ‘road rage’ more often. Worrying about getting murdered for acting like an “asshole” on the road makes about as much sense as wearing a helmet or seatbelt when driving. The chances of something bad actually happening are so slim, you look like a pornstar putting on a rubber before walking into a nunnery. Nothing bad is going to happen and if something does happen, at least you know you had good intentions.

-JOHN PITTSLEY

 


Comments
  1. Alex says:

    This happened when #Obama decided to turn every comment racist unless it envolves musllims.

  2. De Colores says:

    Screwing the pooch every day on the road is half of the Inland Empirites’ full time job. I can see a goatrope from a mile away, and sometimes am stuck going with it. Then there’s the guy getting road rage behind me trying to magically nudge everyone two cars ahead of him into considerate attention by assfucking my back bumper. Ergo I get road rage at the road rager. Who’s the asshole?

  3. Urban Achiever says:

    I’m not saying I haven’t succumbed to road rage at weaker moments, but the irony of trying to assert your dominance and moral superiority in a road rage situation is, no matter how “in the right” you think you are, you’re only coming across as a bigger and more impotent twat than the initial offender.

    Some unsolicited advice: start pracitcing BJJ or some other martial art. You’ll be surprised how chill you become at the wheel. I’ve just started out so I know jack shit, but an immediate benefit i’ve found is, to pick one small example, all the steering-wheel-praying-mantis-probably-legally-blind chinese housewives in BMW X3’s, who don’t know how to use their indicators or any rules of the road (it’s a Vancouver thing), who used to piss me off to no end, now just make me laugh.

  4. Retired Pig says:

    The cure for road rage is a large pickup truck with a giant shiny 4-way trailer hitch jutting out 2-feet. When Asshole starts honking and tailgating, hit the brakes and listen to the sweet sound of bang-crunch. Pull your licensed CC 45 and get out to survey the damage. I’ve done this 4 times and nothing but scratched chrome. They offending parties-minimum $4k damage and whiplash from the airbag.
    South Florida is the road-rage capital of America. Hot head impulsive spics use the horn constantly. Traffic is a cacophony of atonal honks that makes it sound like your living in a turd world latrino land.
    You must carry as these savages will jump out with their piece or a machete over a hard look. Even niggers aren’t as emotional as the brown mongrels.

  5. SpaceKook12 says:

    Pittsley what a dick. Your “advice” would get idiots killed. Maybe in Mayberry you could get away with that shit but in realville U.S.A. you’re dead meat. How do you fags deal with Assholes when cruising Castro boulevard. Do they get real flamboyant when road drag raging.
    As usual you are “a fucking retard, who writes dumb shit about crap.”

  6. Harambee the friendly gator says:

    Road rage is a symptom of driving too well. The expert driver cannot assimilate to the actual conditions of U.S.A. roads much like a Harvard Law/Nobel Prize lecturer could not be its President. There has never been a documented case of Korean road rage. It may be why they are so nervous in their airplane landing skills. Arab/Muscleman = rage in any vehicle. Casey Jones was Islamic avant la lettre

  7. raymi says:

    When I am angry I lt it out always constantly. I also noticed I am getting angrier with age. Not completely all the time, I balance it out with some zen styles but yeah, why are we getting angrier? My tolerance is nil and my patience for stupidity is worrisome. Don’t even get me started on repeating myself!

  8. ghjkghjghj says:

    “This happened when #Obama decided to turn every comment racist unless it involves muslims.”

    “We do a disservice to the cause of justice by intimating that bias and discrimination are immutable, that racial division is inherent to America.” -Barack Obama


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