Posted by
John Pittsley
• 01.28.16 03:04 pm

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After hearing female friends recount sexual encounters and Amber Rose expose Kanye West, I can’t help but think a lot of dudes like fingers up their butts. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with this, I just don’t understand why.

I guess the male “g-spot” is technically located inside the ass (not sure if that’s even true), but a man shouldn’t need that g-spot to be hit in order to have a satisfying orgasm. Laying pipe is already enjoyable enough, as it is. There’s no need to improve it.

It’s perfectly reasonable for a gay man to need something up his ass, in order to get off. But when a straight dude needs it, he comes off as a spoiled Roman emperor. Which is pretty fucking gay. Ass play is up there with being fed grapes or bathed by a woman. It’s way too much. No man deserves that type of attention and no man should want it. Being used like a puppet certainly makes ass play seem gay but it’s the desire to be tended to, like a woman, which really makes it gay.

Women are able to get away with being lazy in the sack. Part of this has to do with pussy being out-of-this-world and part of it has to do with women being naturally lazy creatures. Men have no excuse for this type of behavior and they shouldn’t want to give any. Part of the thrill of being with a lady is doing the fucking. Having a woman straddle you is great but that’s only because of the view. The closest a man should come to being as lazy as a woman, when it comes to sex, is a blowjob and that’s only after a hard days work.

Needing a finger up your ass is basically saying pussy isn’t good enough anymore. Everyone’s tastes and preferences change as they mature but at no point should a heterosexual male outgrow pussy. If he does, then it’s time to get out of the house and pick up another hobby because that’s way too much fucking for one human being.

-JOHN PITTSLEY

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Comments
  1. STINKY says:

    Neither I nor any girl I have been with has ever put anything in my ass, but I’ve thought about it. It feels prety good to take a great, big dump. Maybe the two sensations are related?

  2. Turds-R-Us says:

    KANYE WEST, big bad ass, well freaky ass Nigga.
    Most Niggaz have had something up their Azzes since most Niggaz got street cred at NiggaU — prison.
    There in NiggerUpperEd, with their homies/bro’s/boooooyzzz, they learn the true meaning of being gang-bangers.
    They then come back out on the skreetz with their saggy-ass, baboon asses protruding like, gang-banged, “U.S. Prison certified”, blooming-onion-hemorrhoids, in their pants-down, initiation signifying………Been Shagged SWAG.
    How sexy for a women to stick her pretty manicured finger into a dudes hairy ass, then pull it out, take a sniff, and say, ” Do you feels goods now Boo nows that I’ve felt your doo doo.
    Don’t get me started on FAGGOTS…………

  3. John Wilkes Bootie says:

    Turds, you’re comments show an amazing insight on butt-related topics, especially in the nigra community. You, my friend, are to be considered “The Complete Ass”.

  4. Dave says:

    I’m straight and I way prefer to fuck a chick in the ass than the pussy. Yeah I’m weird. Judge away.

  5. FingerYouLongLongTime says:

    Finger play is all part of the experience at your local, every-strip/mall, Asian massage joint.
    You ASSHOLES know the routine, that’s right you lying bungholes.
    There you are, MACHO MAN, listening to that flied-lice music while she brushes them buns with ever closer strokes near the shit-stain till………aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh she hits pay dirt you perv.
    Once the obligatory massage fore-play is outta the way, and you done flipped over onto your backs, it’s time for the reason you cum there.
    When the TUG-A-THON commences, and she’s eyeing the tick-tock on the night stand, she knows just how to happily end that session just in time.
    She expertly inserts that finger right in, while she locks eyes with yours, and says oooooh you have so big cock…cum for meeeeeee.
    You’ll be back next week, hoping that blow job you begged her for, will finally happen as a prefered regular she promise.

  6. Otherkin says:

    @Dave

    I admonish you!!!

  7. Turd-R-Us says:

    @John Wilkes Bootie
    Thanks, I appreciate the compliment and by sheer coincidence “The Complete Ass” is the title of my forthcoming book to be released on Amazon.
    I just recently received my ASS Masters degree in ANAL-NIGGEROLOGY after completing an on-line course at WSSH.
    When I complete my advanced studies in NIGGER-PROCTOLOGY and receive my doctorate in Black Studies, I will share the Insights in the sequel to “The Complete Ass” – “The complete Ass – part 2”.
    FAGGOTRY-PRACTICES I’m currently researching by conducting field studies in South Beach, and visiting local adult book store video booths, butt that’s a labor of love as a rank amateur.

  8. Lisp Whisperer says:

    Ass play is like a gateway drug toward full homo. Otherwise it’s only gay if the penises touch.

  9. NedBeatty says:

    I need ASS play like I need hillbillies with banjos.
    A long and distinguished career of varied roles; and what do they remember me for, “reeeeeeeek reeeeeeek squeal like a pig”
    My epitaph might as well say ” Broke Ass Actor “

  10. AnyoneSeenMyGerbil says:

    @Lisp(Ooga)
    Oh thank Allah! I was worried there for a moment, cause when me and my ghost-fuck-bro – tag-team – a bitch ” One in the pink and one in the Stink” we get awfully close with just that fore-skin of a thickness separating our Johnsons.
    I think ASS play is an important way for homophobes to develop an understanding of faggots and get closer in understanding how they feel.
    Maybe college campuses can make ASS play a mandatory course for all incoming freshmen.
    Sophomore year they can then take the mandatory course in “Exploring your latent Bi-sexual Nature”
    You know what’s mandatory come Junior year.

  11. JohnStagliano says:

    What do you call it when a mortician sticks his finger in a cadavers ass.
    Cold Play Asshole.

  12. Farook Ja Booti says:

    Dancing Boys

  13. H.J. says:

    Ass Play only in moderation. Like @Dave, I too have ventured into the ass. It was crunk, but mostly for the taboo. To maintain society, and normality, let’s just bang some hot vag. I’m just being pragmatic…

  14. raymi says:

    ass play comes with age. Come for the ass, stay for the play.

  15. AlphaMan says:

    I was Alpha > but now am Beta <.
    I was Choo Choo !!! but now ride Caboose €
    In the age of gender ~ fluidity and metro ~ betaness what do you expect ?
    If it feels good !!! DOO DOO it.
    Close your eyes and stick it in the Glory Hole.
    You are Spam the Mystery Meat.
    On the other side is your destiny.
    No guts No Glory.
    That wasn't so bad, not bad at all.
    Now turn around and back that ASS up.
    Next lesson………………………………………

  16. BetaBoy says:

    Oh Mr. Alpha can I take that lesson.

  17. SuperFanny says:

    Awwwwwwwww look at that bottom pic of domestic bliss, I bet the homies are going to pull Kanye’s BRO card.
    When you marry into that Kardashian franchise, you better play your role, or you’ll be yesterday’s episode.
    Kanye is fucked royally and will feel back fondly on those old reach around days with Amber fondling his Butt-Rose.
    Hey tough guy you’ve been cucked by a woman hahahahahahahaha.

  18. Ali G says:

    Reeespect my wankie-doodle-dandys. Dis is not dee ways we talk abouts a cultured Iconic.
    Kanye our brother is being dissed by a skanky ex Beyotch who is besmirking his cred cause she was ditched.
    Nows dat he’s with Kimmy, Amber be talkings sheeeeet. Dee only fickle finger of tickle I sees here was a fart gag gones wrong.
    He probables tolds her to pulls da finger and when she dids and he let it rips, “poof the magic dragon” she gots all lady’s like and stuck her finger in his bum to ends the gag.
    Nows that they hates each other it’s #KanyeBeMyBitch.

  19. Polwasright says:

    Black folks have had the homo-demons released on them by the media and Obama. Booty play, skinny jeans, dyed hair all gay shit. Wake Up Black America!

  20. Man-Ding-O-Ling-O says:

    @Pol…

    I Remember the old days when no self respecting negro would go down on the asphalt briar patch ( they had less access to clean white pussy ).
    The ones I knew would hold their noses at the mention of it since the sheboons hadn’t discovered soap yet. They’d tell us we were pussys for eating pussy cause Roosters don’t get down for chickens. Ass play would have been anathema to them, and faggots, not to speak of flaming trans-gender flamingos, would have been impossible to openly sashay their way through the hood without a beat down.
    Now days they have Ru Paul and all the shit you mentioned. Of course they have the homo-incubas called gang-banging prison to loosen up those inhibitions these days, unlike the old chain-gang prison days of their grandpas, who had any inclination to travel the dirt road, exhausted or beaten out of them.

  21. WD says:

    Wow, are there some stupid people out there.

    Everyone has an anus. It feels good to play with it, as it’s filled with sensitive nerve endings. It feels good to have it licked and it feels good to have it penetrated. It’s especially exciting for men because the prostate is a couple inches inside the anus and toward the front of the body. Directly stimulating that can make a man go through the roof with pleasure.

    Again, everyone has an anus: Men, women, straight, gay, it doesn’t matter. Some people like playing with it, some don’t. It’s a stereotype that gay men all like it–a lot of them don’t, not even a little. A lot of straight men like it–from WOMEN. The anus is not “gay.” Touching it doesn’t make you gay. In fact, nothing can make a straight man gay. You’re born straight or born gay, or somewhere in between.

    Get over it people. Grow up. If you’re uptight about your ass, fine. Just don’t stereotype people, including straight men, who aren’t.


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