Posted by
John Pittsley
• 10.19.16 03:30 pm


I can’t be the only dude who hasn’t tasted his own nut. That’d be fucking bonkers. Why on earth would a guy want or feel the need to eat his own jizz?

I know curiosity gets the best of us some times but seriously, what the fuck? Men are supposed to be depraved pieces of shit and most of us have done some pretty despicable things. All of that should be directed outwards though, to the other sex. Doing twisted shit to yourself is for the mentally disturbed or those going through puberty. And eating your own nut should not be a rite of passage.

If you have to taste your own cum, then you might as well wash it down with piss and have a shit appetizer. Sounds awful, right? Then why eat your fucken nut butter, because you wanna know what your lady friends have tasted? That’s gay.

The only dudes who get a pass on this shit are the fucking lunatics who used to pick their nose and eat it. The only reason being they’re fucking psychos.

You could always tell there was something off about these little dweebs by how little they cared when they got caught in the act. Whenever a kid gets busted picking their nose, they freeze in horror and will deny it over and over again with that awkward half smile on their face. The booger eating maniacs on the other hand wouldn’t flinch. Not only that, they would owe up to the act, explain why they do it and try to bring others over to the dark side by describing the taste as hamburger-like. I suppose the delicacy loses its luster over time and eventually it’s time to find a new disgusting delight. Fortunately, there’s always your own semen to chow down on. If you weren’t one of these little weirdos, I don’t know how you could go putting yourself through your own little bukake experiment.

Maybe it’s my Irish-Catholic upbringing but after splooging there’s a sense of shame and regret. Being with a woman is a different story but the release that comes with jerking off should be followed by an immediate need to go back to doing your normal everyday tasks. Sitting alone staring at a pile of one’s own cum, deciding whether to eat it or just throw it in the fucking trash, should be a difficult thing to do for a normal human being. Wanting to get rid of the evidence makes sense but throwing it down your gullet sounds like something a monkey would do. You might as well throw it out the window.

If some of you losers enjoyed eating your own boogers and now like the taste of your own cum, great. That shit is weird as fuck and you wackos are gay as hell. You may only be gay for one person but it’s still too much.



  1. STINKY says:

    What do y’all think of “Westworld”?

  2. Alec Leamas says:

    Tasting your own sploodge is disgusting and shouldn’t be done but girls will still kiss you right after you eat them out and your mouth still tastes like pussy, so they’re all lesbos to some degree if you ask me.

  3. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    @STINKY One of Yul Brenner’s finest performances

  4. Sniffy says:

    Hillary’s losing.

  5. Nostrildumbass says:

    Girls, I mean whores, will also taste their own shit in Ass-to-Mouth LOVE 💩💋💗
    I love whores, doesn’t everyone.
    PS….Sniffy, you being an ASS SNIFFING MASTER, can you enlighten inquiring pervs on the aromatherapy difference in ASS with or without a creampie? Your expertise is appreciated.

  6. SpaceKook12 says:

    So us normals are into clam chowder while the freaks are into home made Sum-Young-Guy soup. Hmmmm? Damn Pittsley, you sure put a lot of thought into this. In a metaphorical way you are that cum bucket repository of totally usless DNA that only “a fucking retard, who writes dumb shit about stupid crap” would think of.
    I saw this coming as I knew you would have a spas attack after Rob’s Chicken Shit essay. Don’t be jealous as there’s room for more than one imbecile on Street Carnage. Between the two of you it could become a 2-turd race like Ben Hur. You’ll win because no one is as good “a fucking retard, who writes dumb shit about stupid crap” as you John.

  7. Chu Poon says:

    Us girl in Thailand like suck cock. Young man cum good for body and hair. Like drink pro teen shake. Yum yum.

  8. No Cum Dodging Allowed says:

    This very important article should be linked to the Drudge Report. On the very bottom of Matt’s page he could have a section called the Sludge Report where societal evolutionary news of the lowest common denominator can be available for bottom feeders and assorted kooks to feast upon their necessary daily intake of mind sickening shit. The NSA can keep track of everyone who visits these articles and clicks thumbs up, and then add them to a perverts-of-interest list to be passed along to the FBI’s Sicko division.

  9. The Central Bus says:

    And in other breaking human waste news…

    “South Africa: Protesters Throw Poo Into (University of Cape Town)’s Law and Economics Buildings…According to an email sent to his department by Professor Lawrence Edwards, Head of Economics, faeces were thrown on the first floor of the building…”

    I understand Mandela was a big poo-flinger…

  10. Kram says:

    Mandela loved to catch poo as well. Better to receive than give

  11. A Bowery Boy says:

    Wow! What a body of work John has produced for Street Carnage – The Chronicles of Pittsley. I bet Moms proud. In a literary way, John is the equivalent of Chris Pontius of Jackass infamy. In particular, Chris’s immortal scene in Jackass 2 chugging the Stallions Jack off, while Johnny Knoxville looks on in horror realizing what lengths a sick fuck will go to take one for the team, reminds me of John. Poor Gavin must cringe everytime John submits his latest ‘how low can I go’.
    Look Mom, I’m a Beat Off Poet!

  12. raymi says:

    I’ve seen it. It happens. I can’t even read this ew LOL.

  13. Mr. Leahy says:

    ^Ewwwww, I bet you have.

  14. NOYFB says:

    Where the hell did Gavin find you Pittsley? Was he Soho dumpster diving when he came across you? Was his septic tank being cleaned out when “Mr. Gavin, look what we found.” What recombinant gay adult video booth stew of goo did you rise from you spawn of glory hole wino dick cheese. Compared to you Max Hardcore is a kind and gentle gynecologist you sick glorious bastard.

  15. Retardo Boy, Warrior of Truth!!! says:

    Eat your own cum??????? I gobbled down paint chips when I was kid like they were Fritos, but not my cum. I saved that in little plastic bottles that I stored in the back of my closet, but I never ate it. That would be weird.

  16. Wilson says:

    If you ever find yourself stranded on a life raft at sea with no provisions, then eating your own cum could make the difference in saving your life. Think of it as recycling your bodies protein, yummy a protein shake. Just like drinking your piss in the same circumstances, it’s a cycle of diminishing returns that may give you a few more days of life that may make the difference between being found alive rather than dead. If you really get desperate and you have a sharp knife, you could use a bic pen, if available, and remove the ink core. Next sharpen the end to a 90 degree angle with sharp edges. Then after heating the knife point with your (hopefully you smoke) lighter, or setting off an emergency flare if you have more than one (using that to heat sterilize the knife tip) puncture a hole in the flabbiest portion of your Ass cheek (this works easier if you have another dying Asshole stranded with you) and insert the sharpened bic pen and start liposuctioning your Ass for, yummy! fatty deposits. You’ll need a thin hose (don’t leave home without one) or even better, a beer bong hose, tied onto the other end of the bic pen casing in order to suck your Ass. This complicated procedure is why misery loves company so be sure to have another Asshole with you. There’s one more great reason to have company on your stranded life raft. When you see your juicy companion starting to get too weak to prevent his murder, that’s the time to strike. Think of him as a two-legged life insurance policy that your collecting on. He’s going to die anyway so start chowing down before he gets too skinny. When he starts getting delirious offer him some salt water that you tell him was a bottle of Perrier that just happened to float by. Bon appetit!
    PS…..Bon Voyage!

  17. Anthony's Wiener says:

    Hey fellow pervs, can I hang out here till it’s safe to expose myself in public again? I’m in a lot of trouble and I don’t mean the F.B.I. Those Clinton’s are not to be crossed and I may have ruined her bid for the presidency. Can you imagine what will happen to me if she has a meltdown. Forget Vases and glass ashtrays I will be totally FUCKED!!! This Pittsley column looks welcoming, though I’d suggest the blog allow a snapchat function so I can share my latest pics.

  18. James says:

    Hi Hohn personally I love to drink my own cum and everyone else’s for that matter it’s warm and slaty and goes down your throat slowly which only makes it better

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