Posted by
D. Eric Beckles
• 04.30.10 11:00 am


Oh, you’re not religious? You don’t believe in a God at all? Well I was like you until I witnessed this clip. It kicked down the door of my cerebral cortex and my nose started bleeding.

Oh, you’re not religious? You don’t believe in a God at all? Well I was like you until I witnessed this clip. It kicked down the door of my cerebral cortex and my nose started bleeding. Recently its memory staggered out from one of the storage rooms in my brain, wearing a robe and sipping a coffee. It said, “Remember me? Why don’t you see if I’m on YouTube so you can show me to your friends?” Then it farted and jumped into a Ferrari and drove off. So, I searched and I found one of my favorite memories of all time. That’s also when I realized there were actually two Gods.

Areneio taking on Queer Nation is one of the most marvelous things ever recorded. You see, there was once a time in late night TV when hosts would take on their audience. Toe to toe, high-top-fade to Queer. You just don’t get this sort of thing anymore. Queers deciding to skulk into the Arsenio Hall show demanding that Harvey Firestein (that would have be riveting) be on, and then Arsenio putting an end to it by claiming he can’t hate fags because he’s a darkie chap.

I think Arsenio really nailed them with that one. He then went in for the kill when he further points out that he has fucking range and does several characters, like McDonald’s waiter jokes (they’re not protesting). Wow.

Then Paul Hogan comes out, which is pretty rich considering he is, well, Paul Hogan. Old Croc Dundee unwillingly and uncomfortably becomes Arsenio’s therapist and watches his reason for being on the show go up in flames. In case you are not keeping count, that would be proof that God number three exists.

Look, just do yourself a favor: Watch this and become a religious fanatic. You’re welcome.

-PINKY


Comments
  1. Old Dirty Gentleman says:

    First

  2. Sean says:

    They asked me did i like Arsenio? About as much as the bicentennial.

  3. Jimmy Fucking Carter says:

    I haven’t raised my fist by my ear and rotated it in a circle for quite some time. I could watch that kind of shit all day.

  4. white power says:

    goldmine of hilarity. the doug funny of funny…pinky.

  5. danne says:

    think you embedded the wrong vid dudey

  6. Bourgeois Swayze says:

    i did not know the black card trumped the gay card. in any case that doesn’t hold any advantages for me.

  7. Bourgeois Swayze says:

    Awesome clip, btw.

  8. Fucking A Right says:

    now that’s refreshing. real. no fucking scripts. no fucking editing. tv worth watching. novel fucking idea. Arsenio i no longer think of you as Long Fingers. i will think of you as The Fucking Man.

  9. mr.meat says:

    In retrospect, Arsenio was some sort of TV God Reverend Dominion Demon Fire Saint or whatever for DA FOX channels of the future and of the past of the NOW known cyberspace. What boggles my noodle is dis youtube fuzzle of clipage is all ruminating in my nuzzle at the wee wee hour by the bedside when I was all R.E.M.ing with the blanky a long time ago and I had like a double epiphany that replicated itself in a mishmash of redundant reverberations..and so on, because the overlapping youtube double take(like here.. but before this)…and shelved it’s tainted meat. So pop technology is squeezing the introverted out.

    Let me ask you CopywrotedAmerika, K? Where were all you ‘audience’ when dis shit was WOOF WOOF WOOF all fists rotating forth??? Hmmm? Did they send this universe to clothe the savages or something? Say, for the benefit of LIVE TELEVISION?

    all the queer nation(s) I could care less about. the arsenio vanilla ice hall of michael jackson bill clinton screamin jay hawkins middle ground spoketh for a delerium electro air bass lesson of the ages.

  10. mr.teat says:

    Mr. Meat: You’re trying way too hard and failing even harder.

  11. mr.meat says:

    Yeah, story of my life.
    I should just stop trying so I can be a winner.

  12. fritz says:

    that suit and tie is the gayest thing i’ve ever seen

  13. Rah says:

    Thanks for introducing me to polytheism. Much appreciated. I had the rare opportunity to work with Mr. Hall. He’s definitely NOT a gay basher. Trust me.

  14. Rah says:

    Did this actually air? I must’ve gone to sleep early this night…I was a latchkey kid.


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