A few nights ago, I did stand-up at UCB to promote my book. It was a sold out show and involved several tons of laughter. Afterwards we had a fancy pants after party at Soho House that nobody came to.
The Soho House was a huge gamble because they insist on a $3,900 deposit that they don’t give back if the bar doesn’t sell enough drinks. The prices there are fucking insane ($17 for a Maker’s Mark) so the few who did show up got turned off fast. So, after selling $1,300 at the bar, I got stuck with the remaining $2,600. To a Scotsman, this is like having your penis removed. FUCK!
The UCB show was great but they don’t pay so despite bringing in about 150 people at $10 a pop, I was left with farts. This is all my fault of course as I knew what I was signing up for in both cases but there’s a moral here. It’s easy to make money in NY and get stuff for cheap but you have to pay attention. You can get a slice of pizza for $1 on every corner but if you’d like to blow $100 on some pie, the city will happily oblige.
Like Matt Sweeney said to a reporter after we pranked the living shit out of him, “It’s New York CIty buddy, you got hustled.”
I’m going to keep a tally of everything we spend and everything we make on this tour. So far it goes like this…
UCB SHOW + SOHO HOUSE
TOUR TOTAL: -$2,720